My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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