You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
