I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
