sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
