I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
