im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
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