love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Im part way to drunk.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
