I wish my penis had an off switch
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
