I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I'm having to shit out rocks
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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