I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
