Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
kristin has been a bad kristin
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
