Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
