do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I looked at my own cervix.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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