I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
