I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
