if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
