if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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