I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
