He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Randomize
