I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
