By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
