I will die if light touches me.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
