fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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