and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
