Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
