I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
