I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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