yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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