My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
