Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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