I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
