two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
They took my balls.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize
