you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
