as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
