Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
