Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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