i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
