Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
