there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
