you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
