Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
