In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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