Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
