If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
