Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Randomize
