After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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