I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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