I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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