i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
