"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
