Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
