God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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