you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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