Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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