This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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