I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
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